I Don't Know How To Be You
by The One Everyone Forgets
Summary: Kankri and Karkat are completely different. But one night, during a fight, they end up swapping bodies. Now they must survive a mile in each other's shoes as they discover what the other's life is really like. HumanStuck. School!AU Rating is for violence and Karkat's colourful language.


_Author's Note: Hey. So I've joined the Homestuck fandom, and I noticed that there were few body swap stories that don't ship people. So here, I present to you: Human Karkat and Kankri Swap Bodies for Some Odd Reason. Hope you like it._

_ Disclaimer: Not mine. This belongs to the wonderful Hussie. Please give the credit to him, not me._

"Go away Kankri! I hate you!" shouts Karkat. "6ut Karkat, we're 6r9thers!" insists Kankri. "I _still _hate you!" repeats Karkat. "Karkat-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCK!" shouts Karkat. He slams a door. "Karkat, y9u need t9 calm d9wn. Y9u're angry and y9u d9n't kn9w what y9u're saying." Replies Kankri. "OF COURSE I'M ANGRY! YOU FUCKING EMBARASSED ME IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FRIENDS!" retorts Karkat. "I didn't d9 anything like that!" insists Kankri. "YOU FUCKING DID! 'KARKAT, IS THIS THE GIRL YOU LIKE? THE ONE YOU TALK ABOUT?' I HATE EVERYONE, BUT I HATE YOU THE MOST!"

"6ut y9u are 9ver-reacting. If y9u d9n't like her then y9u sh9uldn't be em6arassed." points out Kankri. "BUT YOU FUCKING SCREAMED IT IN FRONT OF SOLLUX AND TEREZI! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'LL DO?! THEY'LL TALK ABOUT IT AND TEASE ME FOR DAYS!" Muffled sobs from Karkat's side of the door.

"9h Karkat, d9n't cry. I'm sure that if y9u tell them what I really meant that they w9n't tease you." reassures Kankri. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME?! NOTHING! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'LL DO! I HATE YOU! I HATE MYSELF! I HATE EVERYTHING!" shouts Karkat. "I was thirteen 9nce. Y9u may tell me that I d9n't kn9w what y9u're g9ing thr9ugh, 6ut I-"

"I DON'T CARE HOW OLD YOU ARE! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME! BECAUSE YOU'RE SO PERFECT AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!" accuses Karkat. "It's n9t easy 6eing me. Y9u have n9 clue, Karkat."

"OH YEAH, IT'S SO DIFFICULT BEING YOU. EVERYONE LOVES YOU, KANKRI! NO ONE LOVES ME!" shouts Karkat. "I l9ve y9u. Y9u are my 6r9ther, after all."

"I HATE YOU!" Karkat punches a pillow. He sighs and opens the door. "Karkat?" asks Kankri. "That's not my room. I still hate you."

Later…

"Y9u t99k my Sch99l ID! Give it 6ack! I need it!" shouts Kankri. He knocks on Karkat's room door. "This is n9t funny, Karkat! Give 6ack my ID! I need it 9r I'll get in tr9uble!"

"The room is empty, loser. And here's your fucking ID." Karkat throws the ID at Kankri.

"Why did y9u take my ID?" questions Kankri. "Because I wanted to." answers Karkat. "You shouldn't take my things." scolds Kankri. "I do whatever the- OH GOD OH FUCK OH GOD OH FUCK OH GOD! KANKRI!" screams Karkat.

"Karkat what-" Kankri falls to the ground. Karkat turns around gracelessly and also falls.

Later but not too much…

Kankri is the first to regain consciousness. And there's a headache; a terrible, throbbing headache. He turns around, looking for Karkat. He finds himself lying on the floor. More panic than normal rises inside of him. He gives into the overwhelming need to scream.

"What the hell Kankri?" groans Karkat. "Karkat, s9mething happened!" pants Kankri. "What happened?" asks Karkat, "L99k at me!"

"OHFUCKFUCKFUCKTHATMEANSTHATI'MYOU!" Karkat writhes around, looking disgusted. "What d9 y9u mean?"

"I DON'T WANT TO BE YOU! IT'S SO DIGUSTING JUST _THINKING_ ABOUT IT!" shouts Karkat. "9h G9d." gasps Kankri. "What is it?" asks Karkat. "We have sch99l t9m9rr9w, right? S9 we have t9 6e each 9ther until we find 9ut h9w t9 get 6ack."

"YOU HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH WHAT YOU HAVE CAUSED!" celebrates Karkat. "It w9n't 6e 6ad. Y9u're just 9ver-reacting." sighs Kankri. "You have to live it!" chuckles Karkat. "Y9u're way t99 happy f9r Karkat."

"I don't know. I just feel… different. Tired. I'm going to sleep now." informs Karkat. "Wait a sec9nd… That means that we-"

"Don't mention it. I just don't want to think about that. I'm going to sleep. Maybe this is just a nightmare." interrupts Karkat. "G99dnight, Karkat."

The next morning…

"What the FUCK did you do to my body?!" shouts Karkat. Kankri just eats. "I have decided t9 dress a 6it m9re appr9priately. I never knew that y9u actually had nice cl9thes. And I didn't know ab9ut that 'Fuck 9ff' shirt. That's n9t a- WHAT DID Y9U D9 T9 MY BODY?!"

"What, you don't like it?" grins Karkat. "Y9U'RE G9ING T9 RUIN MY REPUTATI9N!" panics Kankri. "By wearing this?" Karkat looks at the black t-shirt and dark jeans. "G9 change _n9w_."

"Only if you don't wear _that_." hisses Karkat. Kankri stares at what he himself is wearing: A simple white button-up and blue jeans. "_Fine_."

"Then I'll give y9u s9me p9inters 9n h9w t9 dress like me." adds Kankri. "Fine, but you'll have to dress like me." grudgingly agrees Karkat.

"I found a gem! Where'd you get _this_, Kankri?" laughs Karkat. He holds up a grey sleeveless shirt bearing the legend 'I Hate You'. "Hey! Give that 6ack!" blushes Kankri. "DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT WITH MY FACE!" shouts Karkat. "Give me the shirt." commands Kankri.

"See? N9w y9u l99k like me. N9t that y9u didn't l99k like me 6efore, you know, 6eing in my 69dy, 6ut y9u c9uld pass as me at a glance. May6e that's all we need…" Kankri rambles on and on about how they need to look like the other person and how important that that is. "… and d9n't f9rget t9 act like I w9uld t9 every9ne." concludes Kankri. "Uh- yeah- right. So now you have to act like me."

"H9ld 9n- h9w many vulgar shirts d9 y9u 9wn?" asks Kankri. "You don't need to know." snaps Karkat. "On to 'Acting like Karkat 101'. Be rude. Don't be a goody-goody. No. So don't be you. And don't embarrass me in front of my friends. Umm… here's my ID."

"Ugh! There is n9thing t9 wear!" complains Kankri. "What? There are tons of clothes! Now this-" Karkat holds up a black long-sleeved shirt declaring 'You're An Idiot' "- is something I would wear." Karkat pulls at the rough fabric collar of the red turtleneck that Kankri forced him to wear. "And then that zip hoodie I wear. The one with the Cancer sign on it. That's about as specific as you need."

"S9 I need t9 6e m99dy and y9u need t9 6e chatty. This will 6e interesting." reviews Kankri. "Oh yeah, a whole day being my annoying older brother. What fun."

At school…

"Hey, Karkat! Diid you talk to Kankrii about goiing to the party at Gamzee'2?" shouts Sollux. "K4rk4t? Is th4t you? 4r3 you going to th3 p4rty tonight?" asks Terezi. "9h, umm- I can't." stutters Kankri. "Why not? Our plan ii2 foolproof!" exclaims Sollux. "Is K4nkri b3ing a buzzkill 4g4in?" questions Terezi. "What? N9. I never wanted t9 g9 anyways." Kankri knows that he said the wrong thing. "Wh4t?! You'v3 b33n t4lking 4bout this p4rty 3v3r since G4mz33 first told you 4bout it!"

"Karkat, are you okay? Becau2e you're acting really weiird." asks Sollux. "I have imp9rtant things t9 d9 t9night. I have t9 study f9r that 9ne test in that 9ne class- y9u kn9w the 9ne, right?" answers Kankri. "But you n3v3r study!" protests Terezi. "My 6r9ther d9esn't want f9r me t9 g9…"

"2o 2neak out! You don't have to lii2ten to hiim! God, he'2 2uch a buzzkiill." suggests Sollux. "He's my 6r9ther! Why d9 y9u want f9r me t9 disapp9int him?" blurts Kankri. "4r3 you sick or som3thing? You sound funny." asks Terezi.

"Yeah… I might 6e catching s9mething." agrees Kankri. "hEy, GuYs. CoMiNg ToNiGhT?" asks Gamzee. "W3 4r3, but K4ark4t's too l4m3 to com3." answers Terezi. "Hii2 brother i2 a real buzzkiil." adds Sollux. "AwW mAn." replies Gamzee. "May6e he d9esn't want f9r me t9 try Slime?" suggests Kankri. That's exactly what he was thinking. His brother could not get addicted to Slime. "WeLl I hAvE tO gO. hOnK."

"Ii hear that you liike Terezii. Ii2 that true?" questions Sollux. "What? N9! I- Kankri was just c9nfused and he didn't kn9w what he was saying." admits Kankri. "I know wh4t you r34lly think 4bout m3. You don't h4v3 to li3 to m3."

"He- _I_ am just friends with y9u! That's it! Y9u're his- _my_ friends!" objects Kankri. "Oh r34lly?" laughs Terezi. "_Really_! Just friends! Argh! Why d9n't y9u 6elieve me?!" shouts Kankri. Way too much anger bubbles inside of him. "Whoa Karkat; chiill out. You're overreacting, as u2ual. Really, you can't go one day wiithout shoutiing?" lisps Sollux. "I- I- I can't. I d9n't kn9w h9w." blurts Kankri. "Ok4y…" There is awkward silence until the bell rings.

Right then…

Karkat stalks off. He hates the whole 'Stuck in my brother's body' thing. Kankri is way too tall and too awkward. _Argh_! Karkat trips over his own feet even when he tries to be careful. No, not his feet, _Kankri's_ feet.

Oh no. Since he is Kankri, that means that Kankri will be- fuck, now Kankri will know. He tried to hide it so hard. And now Kankri would know. The black eyes have been so difficult to conceal and now…

Karkat takes a deep breath. He looks at the ID. Wow. Does anyone take good school pictures? Okay, so the locker is… 183. He opens the locker door.

Books, notebooks, folders, a clock, an assortment of pens and pencils, and a shelf fill the locker. Kankri's schedule is neatly stuck to the inside of the locker door with a magnet. It's a Green Day, so that means that Kankri will have Science first.

Karkat shuffles through the notebooks. Some of them have green or white stickers on them. The folders do as well. He plucks all of the green labeled things and snatches the schedule from the door. He sighs and stumbles down the hallway to the Science Room.

Karkat can hardly even focus. This is so weird. And then there's the tiredness that seems to plague him. He again sighs. This is going to be the longest day ever.

In the past but not too far…

Kankri roots through the mess that Karkat calls a locker. Honestly, the only organized thing in that locker is the crumpled schedule stuck to the back. Kankri sighs and empties the locker. There. Now he opens some of the notebooks. It's shocking how he can now decipher Karkat's writing. But here's today's schedule: English 8, Financial Literature, OAA Science, Band, Lunch, and P.E.

Kankri quickly organizes the locker. It's good. But it could be better. It's the best he can do currently.

Later (but not too much)…

Karkat yawns. He's too tired in this body. _Kankri_ is too tired. Yes. Maybe some coffee would help? Is there a fucking coffee shop anywhere? Even thinking about coffee makes Karkat- no, _Kankri's body_\- hanker for some. Yes. Coffee.

He looks at the 'food' offered to the students. Today it is pizza or pork tenderloin. Yeah. Karkat gets some of the 'pork' or whatever it really is. He tries not to think about it. Even thinking about what could possibly be in the 'food' makes him gag. He takes an apple, thinking about what Kankri would say about "not just putting junk food into this body". Karkat thinks that he deserves some ice cream for doing a good impression of his brother. He yawns again.

As he walks out of the lunch line, he finds a glorious thing: an empty table, free of other people. Karkat knows that Kankri would go to a table full of his friends, though, so he grudgingly does just that. He ignores the conversation around him and only answers when absolutely necessary. "I think I _am_ coming down with something." yawns Karkat. He fakes a cough. Then he goes into a full-blown coughing fit. The bell rings and Karkat sighs a sigh of relief.

At Kankri's lunch…

Kankri unknowingly imitates his younger- disregarding the whole 'in the older brother's body' thing- brother's footsteps. He chooses pizza over 'pork tenderloin'. He looks for Terezi or Sollux. "Over here, Karkat." calls Sollux. "Is th3r3 som3thing wrong?"

"N9, I'm fine." sighs Kankri. "You're not. 2piill- ii2 Kankrii botheriing you?" asks Sollux. "I'm fine! I'm fine. I'MFINEI'MFINEI'MFINEI'MFINE!" shouts Kankri. He stops and blushes. "I'm s9rry. I didn't mean t9- I um- I just d9n't feel like myself t9day. Alm9st like I'm n9t me."

"Diid you ju2t blu2h?" asks Sollux. "Maybe…" Kankri bites his tongue. "You don't sm3ll right." states Terezi. "What?" asks Kankri, "You just sm3ll… diff3r3nt." answers Terezi. "9kay…"

Kankri works on some homework in his spare time. He knows that Karkat's friends are staring at him, but he doesn't care. Thankfully the bell rings.

The last bell has finally rung…

Karkat calms himself. No, Kankri will be fine. No need to panic, no need for alarm, Kankri is smart. He'll find a way out.

Right then…

Kankri's books are knocked out of his hands. He is surrounded by people. "Hey, freak."

"What are y9u-" someone throws a punch at Kankri's face. Blood streams from his nose. "Y0u're a l0ser!" A punch to the forehead. "You're nothinng!" A punch to the cheek. "Not f1ghting back, loser?" A punch to the ribs. "Hav3 y0u finally l3arned y0ur l3ss0n?" A punch to the mouth. "6lease, st96!" slurs Kankri. Blood drips from his face onto Karkat's shirt. Karkat's face? Or his shirt? It doesn't matter right now.

"No. Freaks like you need to be punished." A laugh and a punch to the back. A punch to the jaw. Several punches to the arms. A few kicks to the legs. Kankri can't stand up anymore. They pick him up and attack him ruthlessly. They then drop him onto the ground and leave.

The gym is empty…

…except for a person lying on the ground. Karkat runs over to his own body. "Kankri!" he shouts. Kankri shifts slightly. "Gargat?" he groans. "Y9u ne6er t9l6 me da6 dis 'appene6 t9 y9u."

"I'm so sorry, Kankri." apologizes Karkat. He looks at his brother in his body and slowly, gently picks up Kankri. "Gargat…" whines Kankri. "It hurts, I know. But I need to help you."

Karkat looks down at Kankri. Looking at his own face so bloody and beaten is not new to him, but he is not used to seeing it in this way. He lays Kankri on the ground. "Gargat." chokes Kankri. "6lease don'6 lea6e me."

Karkat sighs and dabs at Kankri's- his- face with a damp paper towel. He observes his body's face. His nose isn't broken, thank Gog. But his eye is pretty black. His bottom lip is cut. And there's another cut on his cheek. Bruises coat his face, and- after how many times this has happened to him- his whole body. Kankri had taken a worse beating then they had been dishing out to Karkat lately.

"N9, st96." whimpers Kankri. "What?" gaps Karkat. Kankri shakily pulls himself up and looks at his reflection in the mirror. He stares at the reflective plane of glass. At the bloody, bruised, slightly mangled face that he is wearing. He gulps and thinks about how his brother sees this face every day after school. Kankri looks back to Karkat.

"You need to get cleaned up. You can't go around looking like that. I'm good at this." Kankri just looks at him. "T99 g99d." He splashes some water onto his- no, Karkat's- face. Karkat goes over to his backpack. "Please, let me help you."

Kankri limps over to Karkat's backpack. "Kankri, I meant to tell you, but-" Karkat begins. "H9w l9ng?" interrupts Kankri. "What?" asks Karkat. "H9w l9ng have y9u 6een suffering thr9ugh this?" repeats Kankri. "Ever since school started this year." mumbles Karkat. "And y9u never 9nce t9ld me. I c9uld have helped." replies Kankri. "You would get hurt, like now." Karkat doesn't say anything else.

Later, at home…

"I'm going to sleep." announces Karkat. "It's 9nly 8:30." Kankri concernedly looks at Karkat. "I'm fine. Just tired." reassures Karkat. "9kay…"

Kankri limps into Karkat's room. Honestly, he should clean up in here. But that's not the point. He holds his breath and pulls up one sleeve. The arm is black and blue with old and new bruises and some scars. The other arm is the same way. He bites his lip. Is all of Karkat's body covered in scars?

At least the torso is. No wonder Karkat's in so much pain. Every available inch of skin is bruised. His brother had been living like this for an incredibly long time.

Kankri creeps into his own room. He looks at Karkat's sleeping form. He is sleeping peacefully. Then Karkat begins flailing around. "Stop- no-" he whimpers. "Karkat!" whispers Kankri. "Go away! Leave me _alone_!" Karkat begins violently sobbing. "Karkat!" Kankri shakes his brother.

"Kankri?" asks Karkat. "I kn9w why y9u are s9 tired. Y9u have Night Terr9rs." informs Kankri. "Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" questions Karkat. "Umm… reas9ns." stutters Kankri. "So you're checking me out?"

"Eww, no." answers Kankri. "What are you doing?" asks Karkat. "Looking at the damage." replies Kankri. "So you've seen what they-" wonders Karkat. "Yes." interrupts Kankri. Karkat sighs. "They beat you up pretty badly."

"It was painful. Way t99 painful f9r y9ur 69dy t9 6ear." agrees Kankri. "Stop. Just stop. I'm not a little kid anymore. I can take care of myself." argues Karkat. "6ut I want f9r y9u t9 stay little. I want f9r y9u t9 sh9ut f9r me when y9u need me. I want- I want my little 6r9ther. I miss that y9u." admits Kankri.

"I'm older. I can't be the little kid. But we can still be brothers. But the whole shirtless thing is freaking me out. Seriously, dude-" Karkat falls off of Kankri's bed. "Karkat- 9H G9D 9H FUCK 9H FUUUCK!" shouts Kankri. He too blacks out.

Early in the morning…

Karkat regains consciousness first. He looks around and realizes several things: A) He's not wearing a shirt; B) He feels lots of pain; and C) Kankri's body is right next to him. "Kankri?" There's his own voice coming from his mouth as he talks. He shakes Kankri.

"What?" asks Kankri. "Kankri, you're you and I'm me." informs Karkat. Kankri sits up straight. He feels his own arms and face. "You seem happy to be out of my body."

"Well, it's nice n9t feeling like I'm 6eing forced 6y my 69dy t9 6e m99dy." answers Kankri. "I didn't like the being forcibly tired." snaps Karkat. "See what I mean? Y9u weren't m99dy as me, but y9u are as y9u." explains Kankri. "Shut up." Karkat shoves Kankri.

"We sh9uld pr96a6ly g9 t9 sleep s99n…" mentions Kankri. "But it's Saturday!" objects Karkat. "Y9u're n9t as tired as I am. D9n't f9rget what it was like." argues Kankri. "Fine. Night."


End file.
